


Aria

by BeeAnka



Series: Sing Me A Song Of Despair [17]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Abuse, Attempted Sexual Assault, Gen, Mental Instability, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 13:43:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13788945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeAnka/pseuds/BeeAnka
Summary: For Junko, boredom has always been the greatest Despair of all.





	Aria

**Author's Note:**

> My gf made some really great Despair Sisters art for this chapter: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/171235522506 (as children)
> 
> https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/171235520136 (during Hope's Peak)
> 
> This chapter absolutely kicked my ass! Writing Junko was harder than I thought it'd be, and I already thought it would get hard to begin with!
> 
> I hope I did her justice though. She's very complex in this story and it's important, for me personally, to accurately depict that. While I love the concept of a villain like her just being entirely unsympathetic, I think there's definitely room to interpret her differently. By now it's pretty obvious she isn't entirely unsympathetic in this story, but just how sympathetic she is wholly depends on your own thoughts and interpretations.
> 
> Things are about to get messed up again. But you know that already -- it's Junko.

* * *

 

_Laying on her bed, legs dangling off the side, only one thought goes through Ryouko's mind._

_One that's been on her mind a lot recently, but right now, on a dull Saturday evening, for the first time it feels as though she's going to burst if she doesn't say it out loud._

_"I'm bored."_

_Mitsuko looks up from her homework. "Do you wanna play hide and-"_

_"I always know where you're gonna hide! And you do too!" Ryouko interrupts. She huffs. "I don't wanna play a stupid game. I'm... I'm bored." She insists again._

_"Do you wanna play something with Monokuma?"_

_"Monokuma isn't here right now. I wanna do something else."_

_"Maybe we could watch TV-"_

_"I don't wanna do that! It's boring!" Ryouko whines. Among a lot of other things, watching TV just annoys her lately. For some reason, she just knows what's gonna happen before it does in anything once she watches it for some time. It's all just so obvious to her. She doesn't get how Mitsuko can't see it. "I'm bored! Bored, bored, bored!" She punctuates every 'bored' by slamming her head on the pillow under it. "I'm bored with everything!" When her sister gives her a confused look, she groans. "Mitsuko-chan, you're so dumb!"_

_"That's mean, Ryouko-chan. I'm only trying to help."_

_"Sorry..." Ryouko mumbles. "But just... ugh! I'm so bored! And I can't think of what to do!"_

_"Maybe we can think of a new game to play?" Mitsuko suggests._

_"I always beat you in everything! That's boring!"_

_"Not at first," Mitsuko argues. "And if it's boring to win, why do you get mad when you lose?"_

_Ryouko pouts. "'Cause I know I'm gonna win later, so it's annoying! I gotta see how you play first and then I just know how to win! I dunno how I do that."_

_"Maybe you're a genius. You learn stuff really fast." Mitsuko says, smiling. "All the teachers say so too. You have the highest grades out of everyone in our class."_

_"I don't care if I'm a genius or anything like that! I just don't wanna be bored all the time anymore." Ryouko complains, sitting up. She prods the chair Mitsuko is sitting on with her foot. "Hey, hey, Mitsuko-chan! Do something funny!"_

_"Like what?" Mitsuko asks._

_"Ugh! I dunno! Surprise me!" When Mitsuko just stares at her uncertainly for a while, Ryouko sighs in disappointment. She gets off the bed, glaring at her boring sister. "Whatever. I'm gonna go watch TV after all."_

_"Okay. Sorry." Mitsuko mumbles._

_Usually, she feels guilty when she makes Mitsuko sad, but right now she doesn't care. She's too annoyed with her for not helping at all._

_Ryouko slams the door to their room shut hard after she leaves, letting Mitsuko know she's annoyed with her. She sits down on the couch in the living room, glancing at the clock. Not long till their parents come home. Not like she cares, considering they're just gonna ignore her like usually and tell her to go to her room. She turns the TV on, but loses interest within the first minute. Her mind is somewhere else anyway._

_Why doesn't Mitsuko get it? Ryouko scowls. She isn't just bored in the... normal way. It's more than that. It's like... that really empty feeling when it's as though she'll never feel any fun or excitement for the rest of her life. When she wants to do something, but has no idea what to do. When she feels both restless and like she has no energy in her at all._

_She's been feeling that a lot lately. Mitsuko asked her if she's sad one time, but... no, that's not really it. It's something else, although similiar. She doesn't know a word for it yet though, so for now the word 'bored' seems like a good way to put it._

_The background noises from the TV are slowly getting on her nerves. Ryouko turns it off. She sighs, and looks around for anything else she can use to stave off the boredom._

_Surprisingly enough, something does catch her eye. A small, black spider is crawling on the floor close to the kitchen. Instead of calling for Mitsuko to get rid of it like every other time she sees a spider or another insect, Ryouko watches it for a while. It's not like she's scared of them or anything, but you're supposed to get rid of bugs and stuff, right?_

_She quickly gets bored with just watching it though. She hops off the couch and lays down on her stomach next to it. She blows on it, watching it tremble slightly. She giggles. "Scary, isn't it?" Ryouko asks the spider. "I can do anything I want to you right now and you can't do anything to stop me. Can spiders feel scared?"_

_The spider resumes its slow crawl, not paying much attention to her._

_"I'd be mad at you for ignoring me, but you're just a spider! You probably don't get what I'm saying." Ryouko harrumphes. "Anyway, you don't gotta be scared. I'm not gonna do anything to you, even though I'm bored! I bet being a spider is really boring too, huh? All you do is sit in a web all day long and eat some flies. Sounds boring." She sighs. "Well, I'm really bored too. Hey, do you wanna be my pet?"_

_She puts her hand in front of the spider. Instead of changing directions, it crawls on her hand just like she wanted to._

_Ryouko makes a delighted noise. "Does that mean you don't mind? Yay!" She hums thoughtfully. "I'm gonna call you... Mitsu-chan! After my big sis Mitsuko. You're both kinda slow and weird, but also nice and pretty. Don't tell her I said that though!" She turns her hand around, watching Mitsu-chan crawl from the back of her hand to her palm. When it crawls across her arm, the sensation causes her to giggle. She puts her other hand in front of it before it disappears underneath her sleeves, and the process repeats._

_She doesn't know how much time has passed when she hears the front door open, hears her parents' voices ringing out. She's been completely focused on her new pet. "Mommy! Daddy!" She says out loud, not taking her eyes away from Mitsu-chan. "Welcome home! Look! I have a pet now!"_

_"A pet?" She hears Daddy ask, before the curious tone turns into a disgusted one. "That's not a pet, Ryouko. Please get rid of that pest."_

_Pulling her hand closer to her body protectively, Ryouko glares up at him. "Mitsu-chan is not a pest. She's my pet!"_

_"Ryouko!" Suddenly, her wrist is being seized. Mommy swats Mitsu-chan off her hand and squashes it with a shoe._

_"Mitsu-chan!" Ryouko shouts in horror._

_Before she can reach for her pet, Mommy grabs her by the arms, bringing their faces close together. "Did the spider bite you? Are you okay?" She asks loudly._

_"It didn't bite me!" Ryouko tries to shake Mommy off to get to Mitsu-chan, but doesn't manage. "Why'd you kill Mitsu-chan?! It was my pet!"_

_"Ryouko, that was a poisonous spider. If it'd bitten you, that could have been really bad!" Mommy's serious expression softens. "I'm sorry if you liked it, but please don't play with bugs again. Even if they aren't dangerous, they can still make you sick. Okay?"_

_"Mitsu-chan wouldn't have done that!" Ryouko protests. "It was my pet. Pets don't bite their owners!"_

_"Just listen to your mother." Daddy tells her._

_"But-"_

_"Daddy and Mommy both had a long day, Ryouko. Why don't you go to your room and play with Mitsuko?" Mommy says._

_"I don't wanna!" Ryouko stamps her foot on the ground. "I wanna nurse Mitsu-chan back to health!"_

_"Do as your mother says and go to your room." Daddy orders. When she still doesn't move and instead glares up at him, he sighs and rubs his forehead. "Honestly, Ryouko. Why do you always have to be so difficult? Can't you be a good little girl like your sister for once? Go to your room. Now!"_

_The last word comes out as a yell, making Ryouko flinch. She doesn't like when Daddy shouts at her, although that happens rarely. With one last look at Mitsu-chan, whose body is still twitching, she turns around and goes to her room._

_When she climbs on her bed, she glances to Mitsuko's table. Sure enough, her sister is looking at her. "Are you okay, Ryouko-chan?" Mitsuko asks. "I heard yelling."_

_"What do you care?!" Ryouko snaps. "Just go back to your homework, stupidhead. Geez, you're always so slow. It's a wonder you're even passing classes!"_

_Mitsuko frowns. "I just wanna-"_

_"Don't care!" Ryouko interrupts. "Don't care, don't care, don't care. Be a good little girl and shut up!"_

_"... Okay." Mitsuko mumbles, turning around to look down on her homework again._

_Ryouko sighs, already feeling guilty. "I'm sorry, Mitsuko-chan," she mutters. "Mommy and Daddy were being jerks. That's all."_

_Mitsuko turns around again. "It's okay," she assures. "I'm not mad. What did they do?"_

_"I befriended a super pretty spider and they just killed it! Without even listening to me." Ryouko hugs her pillow. "Not like that's anything new..." She mumbles._

_"That was mean of them. Um... maybe they thought it was poisonous-"_

_"I don't care!" Ryouko throws her pillow at Mitsuko, and misses her completely. It just annoys her even more. "Ugh. I don't care! Even if it bit me, that'd only make me sick." And then Mommy and Daddy would have to pay attention to her... but she doesn't want to say that out loud._

_"It could kill you too though." Mitsuko argues. She picks up the pillow and throws it back at her, though clearly not meant to actually hit her. Mitsuko is too nice to do that. Ryouko catches it, hugging it again._

_"So what? Maybe if I got killed, I wouldn't be so bored anymore!"_

_"Don't say that!" Mitsuko snaps, in an unusually forceful tone. She calms down immediately though, like always. "If you died, I'd be really sad..."_

_"Do you think Mommy and Daddy would be sad if I died too?" Ryouko asks._

_"Yeah." Mitsuko says. She pauses, then adds: "Not as sad as me though."_

_Ryouko giggles. Mitsuko insisting that she loves her more than anything else always feels nice. Makes her feel important. "Mitsuko-chan, I love you! Lots!"_

_Mitsuko smiles. "I love you too, Ryouko-chan. Do you wanna play something? I can do my homework later."_

_"Nah, don't wanna. Maybe after you did your homework. I'm still too sad about Mitsu-chan." Ryouko replies._

_"You named it after me?" Mitsuko asks, seemingly happy at the prospect._

_"Geez, I couldn't think of anything else. That's all!" Ryouko insists, blushing. "Go back to your homework! Or you'll never get it done!"_

_"Okay." When Mitsuko turns around, the delighted expression is still on her face. Ryouko wants to huff in embarrassment. That's what she gets for blurting stuff out like that. She has to stop doing that._

_She puts the pillow behind her and rests her head on it, staring at the ceiling. Stupid Mommy and Daddy, killing her pet like that and not even caring. It's true that spiders aren't the same as cats or dogs, but still... it's mean to just kill them. Anything can be a pet if you want it to be, right?_

_Mitsu-chan was a hundred times more interesting than all her friends in elementary school. They always want to do the same things that Ryouko's already gotten bored of ages ago. They always act the same way she expects them to as well. How can she predict how they're all gonna act anyway? That's not normal, right? Maybe she really is a genius and they're all too dumb for her?_

_She never really gets that bored with Mitsuko though. Well, she does get bored and can tell what her sister's gonna do or say most of the time, but it doesn't really bother her as much. They're twins, right? Twins are supposed to know each other really well._

_Besides, she adores Mitsuko. She's slow and boring sometimes, but she's always there for her. Always tries to have fun with her, even if she can't think of stuff most of the time. It's fun to count her freckles too and watch her get embarrassed about it. Ryouko hasn't gotten bored of that yet for most part. Mitsuko always gives her attention when Mommy and Daddy won't too, which is most of the time. Attention from others is nice, but with her older sister it's... more special. More meaningful._

_She wishes she could have shown Mitsu-chan to her. Mitsuko would've liked it. She likes everything Ryouko shows to her, so she totally would've!_

_But Mitsu-chan is dead now. Crushed to death. Can spiders feel pain? Do spiders go to heaven? She wonders where Mitsu-chan is now._

_Ryouko closses her eyes, stiffling a sigh. Stupid Mommy. Stupid Daddy. Killing Mitsu-chan like that. Watching her pet get crushed was terrible. Watching its body twitch afterwards..._

_It was horrible. Sickening. She felt so helpless. So sad. So hopeless. So... so..._

_Excited._

_Ryouko opens her eyes. It was horrible, but also exciting?_

_Isn't that weird? It probably is, but still... at least it wasn't boring. She's always bored. So bored._

_Maybe feeling bad is better than feeling bored? But then, feeling bored and feeling bad seems like the same thing... yet, it isn't. It's not the same thing. It's... weird. Really weird. She can't explain it._

_Is there a word for that? When you're so bored that even feeling bad is better?_

_Ryouko frowns._

_She'll have to think more about that._

* * *

 

_Ryouko starts to experiment._

_She starts playing pranks on her parents. Watching their reactions makes her less bored already, but then when they scold her, sometimes even yell at her, her heart starts racing. She feels terrible, but..._

_It's better than being bored. Definitely better. And she gets more attention than she ever has before too._

_Mitsuko doesn't understand her behavior, but does her best to help her with the pranks. Ryouko is grateful._

_The thought of playing pranks on Mitsuko occurs to her one time, but she dismisses it immediately. Mommy and Daddy deserve it for never paying attention to her, for killing Mitsu-chan. Her helpful older sister definitely doesn't. Mitsuko can be surprisingly sensitive. She doesn't wanna hurt her feelings._

* * *

 

_Ryouko starts getting bored of the pranks. Mommy and Daddy are slowly reaching the end of their patience too, so it's probably better to stop doing them anyway._

_On a particularly boring day -- there's been a lot of those lately -- she spots another spider._

_She watches it for a while, and has to wonder._

_What would it feel like to see it die, like with Mitsu-chan?_

_What if she did it herself?_

_Ryouko takes one of Mommy's hairpins from her room and impales the spider on it. She watches its body twitch and its legs convulse with morbid fascination, her heart thumping in her chest with sick excitement._

_It's good. Better than she thought it would be. And there is another thought in her mind. She suppresses it immediately, but it's one that makes her feel even more sick._

_Yet, also excited._

_Afterwards, for the first time since her experimenting she feels guilty. And not just because of the spider._

_She decides to tell her sister._

_"Mitsuko-chan, I think I'm bad." Ryouko says. "I killed it and... it was fun. It felt bad too, but mostly good. That's... that's bad, isn't it?"_

_"It was just a spider, Ryouko-chan." Mitsuko assures her. "Bugs don't feel pain, right? And they don't live long anyway. You didn't do anything wrong."_

_Ryouko feels better upon hearing that, but there's still something else. She hesitates. "Mitsuko-chan, can I tell you a secret? Promise you won't hate me."_

_"I'll never hate you, Ryouko-chan."_

_Something in Mitsuko's voice makes Ryouko feel safe, like she really won't be hated. But... still. She can't help but be scared. "It's... I only thought it for a second. I promise."_

_"I believe you."_

_"... I thought about what it'd be like to- to watch..." Ryouko swallows down the bile ( **excitement** ) in her throat. "To watch... Mommy and Daddy die..."_

_For a moment, the usually stoic Mitsuko looks taken aback, but then her expression relaxes again. "They were yelling at you a lot lately," she mutters. "It's okay, Ryouko-chan. You didn't do anything wrong."_

_Ryouko can't bring herself to tell Mitsuko that it's not because of the yelling or anything like that. Despite her sister's best efforts, she feels moody afterwards._

_Mitsuko doesn't get it at all. Probably thinks she's not serious._

**_stupid mitsuko_ **

_Ryouko knows she shouldn't blame her, but it's hard not to be mad. They're twin sisters, aren't they? Aren't they supposed to understand each other?_

_Stupid Mitsuko._

* * *

 

_The more she gets bored, the more those terrible thoughts are becoming more frequent._

_They escalate quickly._

_When Ryouko first fantasizes about killing Mommy and Daddy, it's enough to shock her to the point of tears. Mitsuko tries to comfort her, but Ryouko refuses to tell her why she's crying._

_She doesn't want Mitsuko or anyone else to know._

_Doesn't want anyone to know she's a bad girl._

_Why is she thinking those things? What's wrong with her? This can't be normal, can it?_

**_but normal is boring_ **

_Even so, boring is better than... that other thing. Than being bad. She doesn't want to be bad._

**_it's fun_ **

_It's horrible._

**_it's exciting_ **

_It makes her feel sick._

**_better than being so bored_ **

_Ryouko shakes her head. "It's not," she says loudly. "It's really not. And I won't think any bad stuff again! Ever!"_

_Despite her confident tone, she couldn't feel less unsure in her words._

* * *

 

_Monokuma talks to her less and less._

_Ryouko thinks it's because he's getting scared of her. Maybe he thinks she'll hurt him._

_She can't blame him._

* * *

 

_The ugly, insistent voice in her head talks to her more and more._

**_idiot. i'm just you_ **

_"No," Ryouko mumbles. "You're like... a demon or something."_

**_you made me up like you made monokuma up. 'cause you're bored_ **

_"Shut up."_

**_you don't wanna admit it yet, but you're bad. you're bad. we're bad. i'm bad_ **

_"I'm not bad."_

**_yes, you are. what's wrong with that? you just wanna do bad things, 'cause you're bored. it's not your fault. it's not your fault it's the only thing that's exciting. it's not your fault it's so much fun. it's fun! fun, fun, fun! aren't you bored? aren't you? huh? huh? huh_ **

_"... I'm bored." Ryouko admits._

_She really is bored. And if being bad is the only thing that makes her less bored..._

**_see? it's okay to be bad_ **

_"It's okay to be bad..."_

* * *

 

_Ryouko starts feeling less guilty for her fantasies._

_They're becoming more and more frequent._

* * *

 

_"Do you love Mommy and Daddy, Mitsuko-chan?" Ryouko asks her sister one day._

_Mitsuko is quiet for some time. "Is it weird if I don't?" She asks. "I love you. That's enough for me."_

_"Is it 'cause they don't love you?" Ryouko asks her innocently, watching for a reaction. She's pretty sure Mommy and Daddy love Mitsuko more than they love her. She used to be jealous of that, but not anymore._

_Mommy and Daddy are stupid, after all. They don't matter at all. Why did she ever want their attention?_

_Mitsuko, however, shows no reaction. "I don't know why," she says. "It's just... you're the only one I love, Ryouko-chan. No one else is important."_

_Ryouko giggles. "You're so weird," she tells her. "But I love you too." She pauses for a moment, feeling hesitant, but eventually decides to ask the question. "Hey Mitsuko-chan, do you wanna watch me kill some bugs?"_

_"Okay." Mitsuko agrees._

_When Ryouko impales a roach she captured recently on one of Mommy's hairpins, she watches Mitsuko's reaction._

_There is none. Mitsuko looks like she couldn't care less. Like she's bored._

_Maybe there's something wrong with Mitsuko too?_

_"Did you like it?" Ryouko asks her afterwards._

_"Not really," Mitsuko answers. "But I didn't mind. I can watch you again if you wanna."_

_"What if I wanna do more than that?"_

_Mitsuko looks confused. "What do you mean?"_

_Ryouko feels excitement rush through her body. She's scared of her sister's reaction, yet also yearns for it, whatever it may be. "What if I wanna do that to Mommy and Daddy?"_

_"... Why?" Mitsuko asks, her face still without expression._

_Ryouko shrugs. "It's 'cause I'm bored. And they're stupid."_

**_'cause i'm bad_ **

_"... I can do it if you want me to." Mitsuko says._

_Ryouko laughs. "Lemme guess, you're gonna take a knife out of the kitchen and stab them with it?"_

_"Yeah."_

_Ryouko laughs harder. "You're so weird, Mitsuko-chan! What kind of girl likes knives so much anyway?"_

_"They're pretty."_

_"Not as pretty as me though, right?"_

_"Of course not. Nothing's as pretty as you." Mitsuko tells her firmly._

_"I love when you say that." Ryouko says, basking in the compliment. "Anyway, I don't wanna kill Mommy and Daddy yet. Let's wait more."_

_"Whatever you say, Ryouko-chan."_

_Ryouko doesn't respond. For some reason, she's annoyed. Mitsuko doesn't think she's a freak or that she's bad... she should be glad about that. But still... Mitsuko thinks she's joking or something. She has to be._

_No one would just agree to killing their parents like that. That's why it's obvious Mitsuko wasn't taking her seriously. Even if Mitsuko is staring at knives sometimes or looking at stuff about war and guns on TV..._

_She doesn't understand. Mitsuko doesn't get it. At all._

_Ryouko is serious. Very serious. She wants Mommy and Daddy to die._

_She loves Mommy and Daddy, but she hates them too._

_She wants to feel the sensation of killing them. She wants to see their bodies twitch after getting impaled. Like with bugs._

_Of course, she has no idea how to do that._

_Wouldn't they send Mitsuko and her to an orphanage if that happened too? She doesn't want that. She'd rather live on the streets._

_Living on the streets sounds exciting though... doesn't it? No stupid, boring school... you probably can't predict what's gonna happen if you're homeless either._

_She has to think more._

* * *

 

_Sometimes, when Mommy and Daddy are actually paying some attention to her for once, Ryouko feels guilty._

_Moreso than usual._

_Killing her parents? That's... crazy. Totally crazy. How can she think about that stuff so easily?_

_Maybe she should confess it to Mommy and Daddy?_

_What if they get mad? What if they hate her? True, that'd be exciting, but... she doesn't want them to hate her. It'd be too much._

_When these short-lived moments pass though, guilt is replaced by boredom again._

_And boredom is replaced by her usual thoughts._

**_it's okay to be bad_ **

* * *

 

_When Mommy and Daddy die in a car accident, Ryouko feels nothing at first._

_She's too shocked._

_But then, she's overcome with remorse. She sobs openly at the hospital, pressed against Mitsuko. "I didn't mean it, didn't mean it, didn't mean it..." She repeats the words over and over, like they're going to change anything. "It's my fault," she croaks. "My fault. It's 'cause I was- was thinking of it and- and..."_

_"It's not your fault." Mitsuko says, crying herself, but still trying her best to console her._

_Mitsuko's tears make her feel even more sick. "... I never wanted anything bad to happen to them. I promise, Mitsuko-chan."_

**_liar_ **

_Ryouko suppresses a wince. She's not lying. She's not._

_"I believe you, Ryouko-chan." Mitsuko assures her, gently stroking her hair._

_"I just- I wanted..."_

**_to do it myself_ **

_"It's not true." Ryouko tells herself quietly. "It's not, it's not, it's not."_

_"... Ryouko-chan?"_

_"Mitsuko-chan, let's run away!" Ryouko blurts out._

_Mitsuko blinks. "What?"_

_"I don't wanna live in a stupid orphanage. Let's run away before they'll send us there." Ryouko insists._

_"Ryouko-chan, I don't think that's-"_

_"Please, Mitsuko-chan." Ryouko begs her. "I'm gonna die of boredom in a stupid orphanage. We're both smart, right? We'll do fine on our own. No stupid adults to tell us what to do! We can do what we want!" The more she thinks about it, the more her spirits are lifting._

_"... Okay." Mitsuko agrees after a small pause. She takes one of Ryouko's hands. "Let's go."_

_Ryouko grins, a rush of emotions nearly overwhelming her. She didn't think this would be so easy, but Mitsuko was never good at denying her anything._

_Her remorse disappears in a flash, replaced by nothing but excitement._

* * *

 

_Living on the streets isn't as exciting as she thought it'd be._

_It's not much more boring than it was when they still had a home, but not better than it either._

_They sleep in the park on most days, but Mitsuko says they have to find something else soon. That sooner or later someone will notice and call the police._

_Ryouko tries to occupy herself with the library on most days. Reading is boring, but not as boring as not doing anything. Plus, she likes knowing stuff._

_It's in the library where she thinks back to something she thought of a while ago. The perfect word to describe what she's feeling most of the time. She tirelessly works through dictionaries and everything else she can think of, like she's obsessed. It's not as if there's anything else to do._

_Mitsuko gives her a few curious glances, but doesn't say anything._

_Finally, before it gets dark and they have to leave, Ryouko finds it._

_Despair._

_The complete loss or absence of hope._

_It nearly takes Ryouko's breath away. Just a simple word, and she's floored. She doesn't understand. It doesn't even quite fit... yet it also fits so well._

_The absence of feeling anything but boredom. The complete loss of excitement._

_That's her Despair._

_Yet, she can never ignore the guilt she feels. It's there less and less, but not gone. Being bad still makes her feel sick._

_That's her Despair as well._

_It's perfect. It really is._

_Boredom makes her Despair, yet the only thing that helps against it does the same._

_Could it be that she was just meant to be bad from the start? Ever since she was born?_

_Ryouko doesn't tell Mitsuko about any of that._

_She needs to think more._

* * *

 

_"We should get new names."_

_"Oh?" Mitsuko stops sorting their stuff for a moment, making sure they have everything they need for their new home. She's found an empty warehouse they could live in, but Ryouko doesn't like it much. It's too smelly there. Still, Mitsuko was impossible to convince otherwise. Said it would help keep them safer._

_"Yeah." Ryouko nods to herself. "Since we're getting a new home and all. And I don't want the stupid names Mommy and Daddy gave to us anymore anyway."_

_"That makes sense." Mitsuko says, but doesn't really look like it matters to her. "Both first and last names?"_

_Ryouko huffs. "Of course! Think of something good! It's gonna be our names from now on, y'know? Names are important!"_

_They both go to the library before moving to the warehouse, Ryouko insisting they need their new names before that. She doesn't tell Mitsuko the real reason -- that she's yearning for a name that reflects the Despair she feels. That she wants to be reborn, before they move into their new home._

_Mitsuko and her stay in the library for hours. Ryouko can't leave before she can think of something good._

_The name 'Junko' stands out to her immediately._

_Such a common name: 'jun' meaning 'pure' and 'ko' meaning 'child', that's how the name is usually written in kanji. 'Pure child'. The irony almost makes Ryouko want to laugh. But there's something more interesting. It doesn't have to be written that way. Use a different kanji for 'jun', and you get 'shield'. As in... shielding what she's really like? More importantly, it can also stand for 'pretext', which means like... deliberately hiding something. It sounds perfect. It really does._

_Ryouko feels very clever._

_The kanji for 'ko' can stay. Best not to make things too complicated. Besides, if she thinks about it some more, maybe she can turn that into something fun as well. She's imaginative like that._

_The last name is much harder. Ryouko thinks hard about it, eventually able to remember something._

_She remembers an island. Mommy and Daddy showing Mitsuko and her through the gardens there and, more importantly, the shrines. Shrines dedicated to Benzaiten, the Goddess of all that flows. She remembers her interest in it._

_Flowing... never stopping.Things always happening, never getting boring. It fits perfectly, just like 'Junko'. But how to make a name out of that? She can hardly name herself after a Goddess directly._

_Ryouko perks up. Enoshima! That's what the island was called. She looks it up in one of the books, to see how it's written._

_After she has, she says her new name out loud for the first time. "Enoshima Junko."_

_She feels a thrill inside of her. It sounds good. More than good._

_She writes her new name down and shows it to Mitsuko, but her sister doesn't understand its deep meaning. It's annoying, but can't be helped. She'd rather it was her own little secret for now anyway, really._

_"Did you decide on a name?" Junko asks._

_Mitsuko nods. She writes her name below Junko's._

_Junko reads it. 'Ikusaba Mukuro'. Basically meaning... 'war blade' and 'corpse'. She snorts. "That's a ridiculous name." She says._

_"I thought it sounded cool..."_

_Junko giggles at the uncharacteristically petulant protest. "I guess it kinda is," she admits. "It fits you, Ikusaba Mukuro." She declares. Because it really does._

_Mukuro smiles. "Yours does too. Enoshima Junko sounds really pretty."_

_"You don't know the half of it." Junko tells her, grinning._

_Junko leaves the library in high spirits, practically pulling Mukuro to the warehouse despite her earlier reluctance. She can't help it._

_She finally knows who she is._

_She's Enoshima Junko._

_She's Despair itself._

* * *

 

_Months pass._

_With the time, comes boredom. Not much, but enough for Junko to worry._

_She does her best to suppress the feeling._

_"I couldn't steal enough today, Junko-chan. I'm sorry."_

_Junko's stomach growls, but she forces herself to smile. "It's fine, Mukuro-chan! Y'know, being hungry gives me plenty of Despair, so it's all good." She nods to herself._

_"I don't really get the Despair thing... but I'm glad you're happy." Mukuro mumbles. Despite her words though, something obviously bothers her._

_"Something you wanna say?" Junko asks._

_"It's just... I don't really... can you explain the Despair thing to me again?"_

_"I've done that half a dozen times already!" Junko protests. "Not my fault you're too dumb to get it!"_

_Mukuro gives her an unusually sour look. "If I'm so dumb, why'd you call me the second Sister of Despair?"_

_"'Cause you're still less dumb than everyone else. That's why!" Junko answers. It's true. She bets everyone else wouldn't even try to understand Despair, but Mukuro does at least that much, which is why she deserves her title._

_"Um, okay." Mukuro says. "Anyway, Daisuke-san gave me two candy bars for you. They're your favorite, right?" She holds them out._

_"Yeah!" Junko agrees enthusiastically, taking them both. "Wait, two? Geez Mukuro-chan, you don't gotta give me yours, y'know?"_

_Mukuro blushes. "It's fine, Junko-chan. I don't like candy that much anyway."_

_Junko isn't stupid. She knows fully well Mukuro eats less than her, so that there's more food for her. She doesn't know for sure, but there's no way she's wrong. It's just the kind of great older sister Mukuro is. "As your Princess of Despair, I'm ordering you to eat some candy! The less candy for me, the more Despair I feel. So it's okay!" She practically shoves one of them back into her sister's hands._

_Mukuro's lack of protesting proves how hungry she's been lately. She practically devours the poor candy bar, licking her fingers afterwards, though she looks incredibly embarrassed while doing so. "Thank you, my Princess." She mumbles afterwards._

_"You're ridiculous, Mukuro-chan!" Junko laughs. Soon, Mukuro joins in._

_They go to bed hungry that night, like most days, but there is also happiness._

_Sometimes, when she lies cuddled up with Mukuro like this, Junko forgets about Despair._

_Sometimes, just being with Mukuro is enough._

_But it isn't._

_It's not enough. Never enough._

_Sometimes, Junko wishes it was._

**_some Princess of Despair you are_ **

_Junko presses her face into Mukuro's chest, trying to suppress her thoughts._

* * *

 

_"Hey, Mukuro-chan. If you didn't love Mommy-"_

_**stop calling them**  ' **Mommy and Daddy'. how childish**_

_"If you didn't love Mom and Dad," Junko corrects herself. "How come you cried when they died?" The question's been on her mind ever since, but she never felt like asking until now._

_"I cried because you did." Mukuro answers, like it's the most obvious thing in the world._

_"... That's so weird." Junko mutters, but something about Mukuro's words makes her feel something strange._

_Strange doesn't necessarily mean bad though, does it?_

_Junko dismisses her thoughts. It's not important._

* * *

 

_Junko is getting bored again._

_It was inevitable, really. Yet, she'd foolishly hoped..._

**_hey, hey! what're you talking about? the Princess of Despair shouldn't sound like that_ **

_Junko huffs. That's right. She's the Princess of Despair. Despair is the absence of all hope, so she has no business hoping for anything. It's just not allowed._

**_you embraced Despair so easily, but you hoped you wouldn't be in Despair anymore because of that? that makes no sense_ **

_"Shut up..."_

**_you're bored_ **

_Junko sighs._

_She is. She really is._

**_don't you wonder how many fun things you can do out on the streets? where no one's watching_ **

_Junko frowns._

**_who'd miss some homeless man or two_ **

_Junko shakes her head. No, that's... too far. She can't do that. After what happened to her parents, she can't do something like that. It's... impossible. She's a bad girl, yes, but not that bad._

**_are you still lying to yourself? pathetic_ **

_"Shut up, shut up, shut up." Junko mutters to herself quietly._

_When Mukuro comes home that day, Junko demands to be hugged until her ugly thoughts go away._

_But they never quite do._

_She feels moody the entire week._

* * *

 

_Junko is deep in thought when a stray dog's yip interrupts her._

_Startled, she glances down. She's seen some stray dogs around the warehouse they're in, but never this close. She just assumed they were all afraid of people._

_This one's small and white, though there's a lot of dirt on it too. "Good afternoon, doggy!" She coos, though immediately catches herself. "Are you honored?" She asks, in a more regal tone. "You should be! You're speaking to the Princess of Despair!"_

_Her dramatic declaration is met with a confused head tilt._

_Junko huffs. "You heard me, cur! You're among royalty!" She holds out her hand. "Show me your devotion!"_

_There's a brief flash of fear when she thinks the dog will bite her, but it just licks her hand._

_"Hey! Who allowed you to do that?" Junko asks, but can't stop herself from giggling. She carefully pets the dog's head and scratches behind its ears, squealing in delight when it starts nuzzling her legs affectionately._

_She pets the dog for a couple of minutes. It even allows itself to be put into her lap. Junko can't believe her luck. She feels something warm, petting the dog's dirty yet soft fur._

_But soon..._

**_how pathetic_ **

_Junko scowls. How she wishes she could turn those stupid thoughts off. She presses her face into the stray dog's fur._

**_what a cute dog. how Despairful would it be if_ **

_She shakes her head violently._

**_if you hurt it_ **

_She can't do that. She can't hurt that cute little dog._

**_mukuro-chan won't let you keep it anyway. it's gonna run away soon, so why not just use it for Despair_ **

_... It will, won't it? Junko stares down at the dog. It really is incredibly cute. And she'll probably never see it again anyway. Mukuro would never allow her to feed it. If there's one thing she's strict about, it's their food._

_Junko puts her hands around its neck. The dog looks up to her with its big, brown eyes. They look so innocent._

_She licks her lips, an old and familiar sickness spreading inside of her. How much Despair will she feel if she hurts that adorable creature? If she just..._

**_squeeze_ **

_"No!" Wrenching her hands away from the dog, Junko stands up, causing it to fall off her lap. It looks up to her, wagging its tail. "Go!" She shrieks, stomping her feet on the ground in front of it for emphasis. "Leave, you stupid dog! Go!"_

_Fortunately, it obeys. The dog abrubtly runs off, leaving a horrified Junko behind._

_"I... I almost..."_

**_you wanted to. you still do_ **

_Junko feels like puking. She needs to get away from the warehouse for a while. Mukuro won't come home anytime soon anyway._

_She goes to the park, sitting down near the pond. It usually cheers her up a bit to sit there, but right now it doesn't._

_The sickening feeling persists._

_She is about to leave again when she spots a man sitting on one of the benches, very clearly staring at her. Fear shoots through her for a moment. Mukuro isn't here, so that man... he might..._

_No. Junko slowly calms herself down. It's still the middle of the day. There are other people around._

**_should the Princess of Despair be scared of a dirty, smelly hobo anyway_ **

_Probably not. She stares back at him challengingly. And..._

_She gets an idea._

_What she couldn't do to that cute dog... what she couldn't do to Mom and Dad, maybe she can do to a scumbag like him, who ogles little girls in the park. Junko's hand reaches down, patting the knife in her pocket. Mukuro gave it to her for self-defense, told her it's good to be prepared._

_Junko grins, but it betrays the anger suddenly flowing through her. Oh, she's been prepared for this, alright. For a long time._

_She walks up to the man. "Hey, mister," she says cheerfully, shooting him her biggest smile she can, ignoring how he stinks of alcohol. "Do you wanna play?"_

* * *

 

_When the man approaches her alone back in her room though, a predatory look on his face, she completely freezes up in fear._

_What an idiot she was._

_Just because she's technically capable of killing that man, doesn't mean she can actually do it. She was so blinded by her desire to prove herself, that she completely overlooked that fact and just assumed that she would feel no fear at all. That she'd be fast enough to evade the man and stab him easily._

_She pulls out her knife, but it slips out of her shaky hands and falls to the ground._

_In this moment, Junko experiences what true Despair must feel like for the first time._

_She can't move when the man grabs her and holds her down, when he starts pulling at her hair violently, slurring words she can't understand. When he starts to paw at her clothes though, it finally becomes too much._

_Junko screams._

_Suddenly, the man's weight disappears. She can hear him emit pained noises, like something dragged him away by force. Junko opens her eyes and sees Mukuro standing between her and the man, the latter now crawling on the ground. Mukuro is holding her knife, blood dripping off it. Slowly, her sister starts walking towards the man._

_"M-Mukuro-chan...?" Junko chokes out. There's still fear, but something else as well. She doesn't know what it is though._

_When Mukuro stops and starts walking backwards towards her instead, Junko feels a similiarly confusing mix of emotions. Relief, yet also... she doesn't know._

_Later, when they both lay together on the grass near the pond, when the fear is gone, Junko realizes what it was._

_Disappointment._

_When Mukuro offers to go back there and kill the man, Junko doesn't believe her._

**_she was gonna kill him back there_ **

_It can't be. Her sweet, older sister wouldn't do such a thing. She isn't rotten. She isn't a bad girl like her._

**_then why were you so excited_ **

_Because she's an idiot. Just a pathetically hopeful idiot._

_She pretends to be asleep that night. Until Mukuro falls asleep, which takes an annoyingly long time, but eventually it happens._

_When she hears Mukuro's soft breathing that indicates she's asleep, Junko moves away from her. She didn't even have to force herself to stay awake. Nothing could've caused her to sleep after what happened today. More importantly..._

_There's something she has to do._

_When she slowly takes the knife out of Mukuro's pocket, she scowls._

_The man had better still be there._

* * *

 

_The man is still there. More importantly, he's still alive._

_It couldn't have worked out better. Still, she approaches him carefully, making sure to stay out of his reach. This time, she won't make any stupid mistakes._

_She glances down at one of his legs. She kneels down. Swallowing, she raises the knife._

_Can she really do this?_

_She breathes deeply, and her nose crinkles in disgust at the stink of alcohol._

**_how it smelled when he was on top of me_ **

_Junko stabs his leg._

_The man groans in pain. Something about that sound... makes her stop._

_She steps away from him, clutching the knife tightly to her chest. What is she doing? This is... this is wrong._

**_it isn't. he deserves it_ **

_Still, maybe she should just leave. He'll probably die from his wounds anyway, right?_

**_what if someone saves him? what if he comes back to find you_ **

_Junko feels the anger from before. She stabs him in the leg again. The same sound from before rings through the room. But this time..._

_It feels right to her._

_She stabs his leg again. And again. And again. It's kinda like she's tormenting one of those bugs again, isn't it?_

_Without realizing it, she's started smiling._

_"What's wrong?" Junko asks him. "Not so tough anymore, huh? Are you gonna say you're sorry? Are you?!" She screams. "Are you?! Are you sorry?!" She jams her knife into his back._

_This time, he howls instead of just groaning._

**_it feels good. it feels_ **

_"That's not an apology, mister." Junko tells him sweetly. "How about you try again?" She repeats her action from before, jamming the knife into his back even harder._

_The man howls again, more loudly this time. He starts flailing his hands weakly, but doesn't reach her. Junko isn't scared though. She... she feels..._

**_good. it feels_ **

_"Good." Junko whispers. She shudders. It does. It feels amazing. Listening to the man's Despairful noises, watching his Despairful struggling._

_It's good._

_Junko kneels down on top of his back, pressing her knees into his fresh wounds. The man lets out a scream. She giggles in response. "Hey, maybe if you say you're sorry, I'll let you go."_

_Surprisingly enough, the man manages to form a coherent word for the first time. "Sorry... sorry... sorry..." He slurrs._

_"I lied!" Junko yells, jamming the knife into his shoulder as hard as she can._

_The man shrieks._

_Junko laughs._

_She stabs him again. And again. Again, again, again. So often she couldn't keep count if she tried._

_Faintly, she hears a different noise at one point, but doesn't pay attention to it. Almost like a shout. Then, a door opening. And someone speaking. She frowns. Is someone speaking again?_

_"Jun... Junko-chan...?"_

_Junko looks up and stares into Mukuro's shocked face._

_She feels the wide smile on her face freeze._

_Suddenly, the sickness doesn't feel good anymore._

* * *

 

_The following hour is the most terrified Junko's been her entire life._

_Probably even worse than when that man was on top of her._

_She isn't fooled by Mukuro's kindness afterwards. Her sister was always a calm person. She's probably just... waiting. Doing her duty as an older sister before giving her up to the police. Probably scared that Junko will try to hurt her too, so she pretends._

_There's no way Mukuro would accept an evil, rotten girl like her as her sister. Not someone sweet like Mukuro. Not even when she starts saying she doesn't care that Junko killed someone._

_Junko can't bring herself to believe any of that. Mukuro is lying. She has to be._

_But then Mukuro kills Daisuke._

_There is no hesitation at all when Mukuro stabs him in the throat. It's with a cold precision that takes Junko's breath away._

_Her mind can't comprehend it for a moment, but then..._

_Happiness blooms inside of her, as well as the old familiar sickness of Despair. The good kind._

_She liked Daisuke. She's horrified to see her sister is an awful girl like her too, but also..._

_Junko is happy. Because Mukuro is like her. Because she won't leave her. Because she understands._

_When they lay down on the grass again, having left the net café behind them, Junko is too excited to fall asleep for quite a while. Even after Mukuro did, she still lays awake for some time._

_Mom and Dad really did deserve to die after all, didn't they?_

_Who would be cruel enough to give birth to two girls as evil and twisted as them?_

_Junko grins._

_She was always close to Mukuro, her nice, dependable older sister, but now? Now it's... more than that._

_It's something more meaningful. She loves Mukuro more than any words could ever describe._

_They're both awful. They're evil. They're..._

_Despair itself._

_Junko, with her genius and her imagination._

_Mukuro, with her devotion and unflappability._

_They really are the Despair Sisters._

_And they belong together._

 

-

 

Junko's eyes shoot open as soon as the obnoxious sound of her phone's alarm starts blaring in the otherwise silent room.

"Turn it off." She groans. The sound isn't helping her headache at all. Not to mention, thinking back to the past always pisses her off.

How pathetic she was, back then.

Mukuro does, quickly as always. "Are you feeling better, Junko-chan?" She asks, her voice having no trace of sleepiness at all. How the hell does she manage that? Probably just had to get up way too early in her time as a boring killer for hire.

Junko scoffs at the stupid question. Fitting, since her equally stupid sister asked it. "No, I fucking don't." She informs Mukuro.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Mukuro mumbles, in that boring, downtrodden way of hers.

"You should be." Junko sneers. "Once again, you've utterly failed to improve my mood. Honestly, it's pathetic. Why are you so fucking useless?!"

Mukuro flinches. "I... I don't know. I'm sorry for disappointing you again."

Usually, Junko would feel a flash of Despair at treating her sister so cruelly even though she's obviously trying her best, but right now there's just annoyance. "Just get out of my sight!" She commands. "Go race your stupid friends. Hey, maybe you should pretend you're drowning. Sayaka-chan could give you CPR!"

Mukuro has that uncomfortable look of hers on her face when Junko accentuates her suggestion with a laugh. "Junko-chan, please don't-"

Rolling her eyes, Junko says: "Ugh, fine! I guess I did say I'd tone it down a bit, so whatever."

Both relief and gratitude pass over Mukuro's face. "Thank you, Junko-chan." She says.

"Whatever." Junko mutters. She wants to say something else, but the stupid, earnest look on Mukuro's face makes her hesitate long enough for her to get annoyed at herself. "Didn't I tell you to leave?" She snaps.

Mukuro gives her an uncertain look. "If you're sure you don't need-"

Junko grins, baring her teeth at her sister. "Are you really ignoring what your precious baby sister clearly wants you to do?" She asks. "Are you sure you wanna test my patience, Mukuro-chan?"

"I'm sorry, I just..." Mukuro swallows. She stands up, nodding. "Okay, I'm going to leave now. If you need anything else, please call me."

"Uh huh." Junko yawns.

"I hope you feel better soon, Junko-chan."

"Piss off already."

With a crushed look on her face, Mukuro does.

"Wait."

Hand on the handle, Mukuro turns around.

Junko grits her teeth. Why did she say that? It's not like she's gonna go through with it anyway.

**just say it**

"I'm..."

**she deserves as much. she's so good. she's so good to me**

Another spike of pain shoots through her head. Junko gives Mukuro an irritated look. "Why're you still here? Go! Now!"

Mukuro obeys after a slight pause. The way she softly closes the door, obviously careful not to produce a loud noise, makes Junko feel something painful.

"I'm sorry." She mutters to the closed door.

**too late. like always**

Junko snorts.

Stupid, useless Mukuro. Like she deserves an apology. If she wasn't always so... so... terrible at being a Despair Sister, then she wouldn't have to feel so bad. It's her own fucking fault.

It's her own fault. It always was.

Junko sighs. She was such an idiot back then, thinking Mukuro and her were the same. Thinking back on it now, she can't even be mad at Mukuro. It was just her own pathetic delusions.

Mukuro being just like her? Yeah, right. Every single time Mukuro brought Despair to her, it wasn't on purpose.

Oh, there's something wrong with Mukuro. Her older sister is definitely fucked in the head, just like her. There definitely is, but...

It's not Despair. Mukuro doesn't understand Despair.

... Not yet.

Maizono Sayaka.

Oh, how Junko wants that girl to die a painful death.

Trying to take Junko's things away from her. There's no greater sin in the world.

Yes, Mukuro might be a stupid disappointment, but she's still her sister. Still her possession. No one takes her things away from her.

Junko smiles. She doesn't even have to do anything though.

She can see the slow, crushing Despair in Mukuro's face sometimes. The knowledge that Sayaka will hate her. And yet... there's hope too.

Stupid Mukuro. Does she really think anyone normal like Sayaka would ever love a rotten girl like her? A remorseless killer? Mukuro may not be worthy of the title Despair Sister, but she's still so above all those other people at Hope's Peak that it's laughable. They would never understand her. Not like Junko does.

It's unfortunate that the reverse doesn't apply.

On one hand, Mukuro doesn't even come close to understanding her, but on the other hand, she's still closer than any of these other people could ever dream of being. She supposes that's why she even keeps that disappointment of a sister around.

Well, that, and all those useful skills.

And Sayaka? She's just a poor, deluded fool, much like Junko was one time. Junko doesn't know what she sees in Mukuro, but it must be some manner of projection too. Why would anyone be interested in her dull sister otherwise?

Ugh.

She hates how sentimental she gets when she allows Mukuro to spoil her. Saying all that mushy crap to Mukuro... how utterly pathetic.

It's true that she pushed things too far yesterday, with the sex stuff, but still. It's not like she even did anything wrong, when she actually thinks about it now. Not her fault Mukuro is such a prude.

Not her fault Mukuro is such a failure.

The Despair she felt when she humiliated Mukuro like that was good, at least.

**it was too much**

"Shut the fuck up." Junko mutters. Not having a conscience at all would be boring, but it sure can get annoying sometimes. Thankfully, the voice only gets really loud when she's having one of her headaches.

Feeling bored, she looks at her phone. Sayaka sent her a message. She reads it, and heaves a disgusted sigh. The blatant concern for her stupid disappointment of a sister in the text is nauseating. She hates how that bitch acts like she's Mukuro's mother hen or whatever.

"You won't take her from me." Junko whispers. "Mukuro-chan belongs to me, you fucking whore."

Her stupid, precious sister.

Her beloved, useless sister.

"Like you'd ever understand her. Like you'd ever love her the way I do."

That's the greatest Despair of all, isn't it? Even though Mukuro is such a pathetic, useless idiot...

Junko still loves her so much it sickens her. And oh, she hates her for it.

Enoshima Junko is not supposed to love anyone to this extent. Oh, she's loved her parents and her adoptive mother, despite everything, but that love only made her revel in the Despair of losing them more.

Mukuro though? The thought of losing her... fills her with Despair, yes, but also...

It makes her sick. So very sick. Could she bear it? She almost feels like if Mukuro died... she'd die with her. That it'd just happen automatically like that.

That's why Junko hates her. The Goddess of Despair should not be able to feel reservations about Despair.

And as much as she's tried, she can't convince herself her love for Mukuro is just like an owner loving her devoted pet.

For her to have reservations like this... for her to feel enough  _guilt_ to actually express remorse... and who is on the receiving end? A dull girl like Ikusaba Mukuro. Someone who doesn't understand Despair at all.

It doesn't make any sense.

Junko smiles. Maybe Mukuro will understand Despair, though. That remains to be seen. Maybe her stupid, useless sister will finally not disappoint her, for once.

And if she does?

Well... Junko is still thinking about that. Although, she already has a pretty good idea.

What greater Despair is there, than losing your beloved sister?

Junko's smile turns into a grimace when she feels her head throb painfully. Fucking headaches.

She lays down again, missing the warmth of her sister.

She can't help but scowl at that thought.

"Stupid, useless Mukuro." Junko mutters to herself. "Why?"

Why does she sometimes show mercy to her stupid, useless sister? It's utterly unlike Junko. Utterly goes against the whole fucking concept of Despair.

She doesn't understand. She still doesn't understand Despair entirely.

"Why, Mukuro-chan? Why do I have to fucking love you so much?"

Maybe soon though, yes. Soon, she might. And Mukuro might as well.

**no, she won't**

Junko closes her eyes.

If Mukuro doesn't, then she deserves whatever happens to her. For not understanding Despair. For being such a fucking failure.

**why? why can't i just be happy with her**

"I tried." Junko whispers. "It's just not enough."

Her head throbs painfully.

She did. She really did. But it just wasn't enough. It never was.

That day at the mall, when Mukuro gave her those ruby earrings. For a few hours, she felt disgustingly normal. For a few hours, just spending time with Mukuro like they were oh so disgustingly normal was... fun.

But it didn't last, did it? It never does. Sometimes she wonders if Mukuro heard those words she'd whispered back then, late at night.

_"I wish I could be happy with you forever."_

Junko closes her eyes. How pathetic. For the Goddess of Despair to say such a thing.

_"I wish just being with you was enough."_

The Goddess of Despair is not meant to be happy.

Junko opens her eyes. She smiles sardonically.

If she can't be happy, why should Mukuro be?

* * *

 


End file.
